"Julianne"--4/16/10

BFD #10

"'I know her insolence but it is futile,' declares the Lord,
'and her boasts accomplish nothing'"
Jeremiah 48:30

Ha. Haha. Hahaha. I kind of feel like this verse is about me. But I really shouldn't be laughing about it. And I'm going to share a secret with you. I flipped to several verses in my Bible before this one, but I wasn't feeling any of them. I kind of feel like God is getting even with me with this verse.

Here's the thing. I'm pretty sure I'm right. Like, all the time. You know what I mean, don't act like you don't. Because most people are like that. But I take it to a whole new level. I will argue with anyone about anything. Even God, which probably isn't wise. You know, since God is omniscient and other inconvenient things like that. I mean, when I argue with my friend Andrea about non-smoking policies, I have a shot at being right, or at least making a solid point. But when I argue with God about my future? Or the world at large? Yeah, right. But still, I argue with the creator of the universe like I know something.....

When really I don't. *Collective gasp*

I admit it. God wins this one. I'm reminded of the quote, "Young man, young man, your arm's too short to box with God," by James Weldon Johnson. Amen, brother. As much as I hate to admit it. My arms are short and stubby and God just puts his palm to my face (you've seen how they do it in the movies) and shakes his head whilst I swing impotently.

Obviously I took this verse out of context, but just roll with it, kids. This is important (and believe me, I'm always right;)). AS IT TURNS OUT...God knows a little something about the world. And we're impatient, and arrogant, and boastful, and argumentative. And we're pretty sure we're right. But we're not. And God is waiting for us to stop swinging so He can show us what he's got in store.

I picture him singing like Belle from Beauty and the Beast: "For once it might be grand, to have someone understand, I want so much more than they've got planned." Maybe not in a dress, though. And I'm not 100% sure that God twirls, either. But you get the point.

So hang up those boxing gloves, guys. Our arms are too short and life is too short to spend all your time fighting with God. In the end, we all get KO'd anyway.

BFD #9

****NOTE: The following 9 posts were transferred recently from my old Xanga. I don't know when I wrote them so don't ask. Not that anyone reads this, but just in case. Have a lovely day!****



Psalm 81:11 "But my people did not listen to my voice; Israel would not submit to me.

This one is a good one. I would advise anyone who reads this to read this whole Psalm because it has some good things to say. Very true things. Very depressing things. For example, the Psalm goes on to say, "So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts, to follow their own counsels. O that my people would listen to me, that Israel would walk in my ways!" I think I forget most of the time how much better things seem to go when I take the time to listen to what God has to say about my life. I think that a BIG BIG BIG part of that is the fact that I'm never still. My mind runs a mile a minute, there is always noise around me, and I can never concentrate on what I need to concentrate on. School starts back up in a few weeks and I have decided to attempt to start something new. Each morning, I'm going to wake up, shower, and spend at least half and hour with God. Just me and the Big Guy. No music, no computer, no magazines, no homework...nothing. A standing date with the Creator of the universe. Because why not? I guess this BFD is more like a BF something else, because all I'm doing is discussing how I want to become closer to the only one who seems able to solve the problems I create for myself...This summer has been so great. SO SO great. God is so good, you guys. He has blessed me in so many ways with people and situations and He shows me such love even when I don't realize it. The road ahead is long, and I'll need a lot of patience and trust, but for the first time ever I feel like what is ahead of me is worth waiting for! Speak, God, for your servant is listening!!!!!!!

BFD #8

Micah 7:18 Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over the transgression of the remnant of your possession?

I skipped last week (just like I skipped church...whoops), so I figured I ought to get back into the habit of writing my weekly BFD.

So the first thought that passed into my mind when reading this was "God forgives sin." But then I thought to myself...well, duh, right? There's got to be something less obvious and more thought provoking than THAT. So then I looked at the different parts of the verse, eventually settling with an emphasis on "Who is a God like you...?"

No, really. Who is a God like God? For thousands of years people believed in a malevolent and finicky god or gods who basically used humans as pawns in some strange little performance of the world. I'll admit, if you read the Old Testament, there is a significant number of times when God gets really pissed, but what is remarkable about the situation is not how it played out for thousands of years (we screw up, God gets pissed, we are accordingly rewarded for our misdeeds, etc). What is remarkable is how it ends.

We endure years of stupidity and failure and God finally steps up and says, "Okay, kids. I'm changing the rules, because clearly you don't get it. You can play the game (or whatever you want to call it) any way you want to, but in the end, I win. How do you like them apples? And no matter how much you screw up...I STILL win. Luckily for you, I like you guys, so I choose not to send you to the pits. Your new job is this: believe it. That's all. Believe it. The rest should follow suit. Okay, well I think my work here is done for now. If you need me, you know where to find me."

I kind of envision God as a sort of benevolent mob boss, who got really irritated with his loveable yet stupid hitmen. So he just changed the rules. Granted, he smacks them upside the head sometimes when they do something particularly stupid, but in the end, when the credits finally roll, we'll see a picture of them sitting around a pool at a barbecue drinking beer and telling jokes. Because God wins...end of story.

And no God has ever been known to pardon mistakes before they ever happen. And no God has ever loved His people quite like ours does. He took the emphasis off us and put it on Himself. Like lighting a flare on a moonless night. He says no matter how many times we trip and fall on our way towards the flickering light in the distance, what is important is that we get back up and try again. He knows we'll fall. Our eyes aren't sharp enough to see where we're going. What is important is that we recognize that the number of times we fall does not determine whether or not that light will keep burning for us. It will. The beacon is lit, peeps. And it's not going anywhere.

Who is a God like our God? No one. No one forgives and loves like our God. And we're really mean to each other. We point out every fault but our own, we quantify sin and qualify salvation. And we're so very wrong. Sin is sin. We do it all the time whether we choose it or do it unknowingly. A fib, a murder, adultery...no difference in the eyes of God. Is the goal perfection? No. I will continue to believe that attempting to interpret and follow all the laws of God is a lost cause. The quest to be perfect is a waste of your time. God lit the flare and said, "Forget the rules. New game, only one rule. Nothing you can do will help you win, but if you keep walking (even when you fall) you'll get here. I promise. BELIEVE IT."

"Be a sinner and sin boldly, but believe and rejoice in Christ even more boldly, for He is victorious over sin, death, and the world. As long as we are here [in this world] we have to sin. This life is not the dwelling place of righteousness,  but, as Peter says,  we look for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness dwells. It is enough that by the riches of God’s glory we have come to know the Lamb that takes away the sin of the world.  No sin will separate us from the Lamb, even though we commit fornication and murder a thousand times a day. Do you think that the purchase price that was paid for the redemption of our sins by so great a Lamb is too small? Pray boldly—you too are a mighty sinner." --Martin Luther

BFD #7

Ezekiel 38:10 Thus says the Lord God: On that day thoughts will come into your mind, and you will devise an evil scheme.

How true, how true. I think this is pretty much the story of all of our lives. We think, we devise evil schemes, and, depending on our level of brazenness, stupidity, anger, or BAC, we may or may not go through with said evil schemes. Really, if you think of it, we're all pretty ridiculous.

Just the other day I was trying to think up ways to get back at my ex boyfriend including but not limited to: hate texting, stalking, writing a mass message to every girl he knows on facebook about his uh...skill level, marrying a big strong Husker football player who would be more than willing to defeat him in a fight to the death...etc etc etc. But luckily, something came over me somewhere between the plotting and the doing that kept me from carrying out my evil schemes. I'd like to think that that something was the HAND OF GOD (dun dun dun dunnnnnnnn). It was as if He was trying to tell me something (like, "You are outside your mind...stop being stupid"). I get that a lot. What I don't get a lot is a clear explanation for why I'm being sent a particular message. But usually I break down and use my head (*sigh*) and realize that God's reasons are bigger than mine, and I'm sure they make more sense. I was hurt, so I wanted to inflict hurt back upon my aformentioned ex-bf, but I'm starting to realize (through restraint and self-reflection) that hurting someone I used to love probably isn't the best idea. I probably shouldn't have a desire to make him feel the pain that he (perhaps unintentionally) made me feel. That doesn't mean I will cease to feel that desire, but at least my brain knows now that there is more to this game we call life than hurting others.

SO we have options:

1) We can carry out our evil schemes

2) We can daydream about how nice it would be to carry out our evil schemes

OR

3) We can take the first step in what I see as being a rocktastic recovery from anger/pain. Let it go.

Every day, we commit innumerable sins. But we, as children of the God who FORGAVE those sins en masse (sur la croix), He does a miraculous and graceful thing and LETS THEM GO. And by doing so, He allows us to continue on with our lives, doing the work He gave us to do, without fear that our wrongdoings will undo all the good He has done. They can't. God has the final word. So um, you can think about evil schemes...you can even do them (though I would advise against this). WISDOM comes with realizing that the dirty work has already been done, and that no scheme you devise is going to work better than the one God did to undo what He knew you'd do....that was a tongue twister, eh?

Well, kids*, I hope that made sense. Once again, I'm not God, nor do I claim to have some sort of God-given information to which only I am privy. I just flop open the Bible, point my finger to a verse, and say what pops into my head. I don't think I'm crazy, but you can if it makes you feel better. You could fill Memorial Stadium with the people who think I'm crazy (for those of you who are not cool enough to be Husker fans, that'd be around 85,000 people)

Peace out.

*By kids, I don't mean to be condescending...I just use that turn of phrase a lot. I, myself, am a kid.

BFD #6

Isaiah 64:18 Your holy people took possession for a
little while;
but now our adversaries have trampled
down your sanctuary

K, folks. It's been a while, but school is back in session so I figured I should get started back on this little project thinger (which is a nice visual this week, don't you think?). So let's take some verses out of context here and have some fun...haha. (That was a joke, because it's probably a bad idea to take verses out of context...FYI)

So this coincides in a really odd way with my life. For the last five-ish months I've been in a much better place spiritually than I was in the preceeding year. Things haven't been perfect, but in pain I chose to divert most of my attention to God (even if I was yelling at him). The point was, I wasn't trying to do it on my own, which is something I'd like to think God appreciates. Anyway, the "holy people" took possession of that deepest part of me. It wasn't suddenly easier to exist, but I'd rather heal in a sanitary room than in a dingy basement, if you see my point.

So then something (very recently) happened which is kind of like a threat to the sanctuary of my inner sanctum. I have created this safe place where I didn't have to be afraid of the crap life threw at me. But the problem is, I think that inner space was too dependent on being separate from the world. I hid myself away and decided not to let anyone else inside. And now my "adversaries" have sort of trampled it down and I'm standing in the middle of the rubble thinking, "Oh, crap. Square one." But that isn't so. God isn't found just in your inner sanctuary, and often I forget to make myself look for Him in everyday situations and people. I got so frustrated with the world because of the hand I was dealt that I just decided to hate all of humanity (minus famiily and close friends). But humanity is where God does His best work, so I ask myself, why is it that I'm not out there with Him?

You can lock yourself away and forsake all things temporal and human and temporary. But that makes for a lonely life. And maybe my sanctuary has been a little bit destroyed. Meh. So what? It's a nice place to have, but it's better to save that for when you really need it. And right now, I don't need to be healing in a sanitized hospital room. The wound has closed, infection is gone. I am and will be fine. But I (or WE, probably, since I doubt I'm the only one with this problem) need to get back out into the thick of things and learn to love people without expecting anything in return and knowing full-well that I could get hurt again.

Sorry, that was--once again--incredibly round about. But it was on my mind so I needed to talk about it. Now if I could only find my motivation.

BFD #5

Psalm 3:6 I am not afraid of ten thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around.

I'll write about what is on my mind...TESTS. So let's pretend that "people" in this verse means "tests," because it is finals week and I need to be studying instead of writing this, but I made a choice and now I'm sticking to it.

So tomorrow I have an essay test, the next day I have to hand in a ten page paper and take an online test, then Wednesday I have another essay test, and finally THursday I have another online test. It's a bitch, let me tell you. But I've resigned myself to the fact that I have to get it done, and I'm not so much freaked out or afraid of the outcome anymore, because I know that doing these final things to the best of my abilities is the right thing to do. So I'm going to do it.

In the same way that sometimes, when people are going for your jugular, you just have to breathe in a few times and remember that God is an awful lot bigger than your problems and the people (or professors) who perpetuate them.

"Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is."

The end.

BFD #4

Matthew 5:47 "And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not the Gentiles do the same?"

Ok, this one has to be quick because I've got to leave for church in...twenty minutes...and I'm not even dressed.

So this verse comes from the passage about loving your neighbor (just in case we needed a little context), which means that "brothers and sisters" refers to the people you love. Your friends, people you assume to be nice based on what you know of them, people you just naturally like, etc.

I posit that, although it is important to be kind to the people with whom you naturally connect, it is even more important to put yourself out there in situations where you need to be kind to someone you absolutely cannot stand or even just someone who makes you uncomfortable.

For instance, there is this guy in my English class who is, for lack of a better word, creepy. He stared at my cleavage for one whole class (I'm now more careful about the shirts I wear to that class), and whenever I am in any sort of group with him he talks over everyone. This drives me insane, because although I am capable of letting others speak in a group, when I have something to say, I'd like to say it...finish my thought, you know? And this guy comes in here, thinking he knows something, and deep down you know he just isn't that...smart. At least not when it comes to English.

SO picture me, thinking all these things in my class, chatting it up with the people I am naturally drawn to and ignoring this other guy. BAM. One day, it occurred to me exactly how mean I was being. I mean, I wasn't being mean to his face, but I was most definitely ignoring him. So my group had to critique each other's writing assignments, and he was in my group, and we were doing his paper and he was getting all defensive. I was about ready to lash out and smack him or something...after all, we were just trying to help him make his paper better. But I didn't, and we all got through our stuff and moved on. Then, when it came time for us to do mine, he was really being mean about my paper. Now, I can deal with criticism as long as it's delivered kindly, but this guy decides that I wrote this awfully boring paper that should probably be burned or something and I was having MASSIVE amounts of difficulty not throwing my desk aside and attacking him lioness-style, claws and all. But when he was done, I shocked myself...and attempted to be a good person. I said, "Ok, well, thank you very much for your comments."

That story is very much not like me. I wouldn't have said anything to him, normally, but I think God just got inside my head for a minute and calmed me down, letting me know that He loves this awkward, rude guy just as much as he loves me.

And I think that is the point to this verse. God doesn't choose favorites. He loves the awkward pimply kid who facebook stalks the cheerleader. He loves the fire and brimstone preacher on the sidewalk, even though he twists His words. He loves the man who cheats on his wife, and the Ku Klux Klan member, and the televangelist who drives an Escalade. All the people we love to hate, God LOVES deeply. Just as deeply as he loves US. So if we want to be like God...I think we all have to work on the whole, "loving each other" thing. We humans are good at choosing favorites, but God doesn't. And I'd like to think there is a reason for that. Maybe we all just need to be loved a little more by each other, and thereby show God's love through OUR love for each other.

Disclaimer: With that story, I am not trying to say that you should follow me as an example because normally I would NOT do the right thing after having my buttons pushed to that extent. I REALLY am not trying to glorify myself and I would hate for you to think that. I was just giving an example of how hard it is to do the right thing.

BFD #3

Exodus 29:13 You shall take all the fat that covers the entrails, and the appendage of the liver, and the two kidneys with the fat that is on them, and turn them into smoke on the altar.

The moral of this story, kids, is that the Old Testament is gross. I knew that at some point I would hit a verse or two with absolutely no relevance for today. Well...heck, maybe I CAN extract some meaning from this.

Take the ugly and make it a sacrifice. Sometimes life gives you the opportunity to take part in difficult, annoying, frustrating, or disgusting situations. Often times, the result of these situations is a good one. You're stronger, tougher, and have proved that you can and will undergo crappy situations in order to do the right thing. I personally don't want to burn the fat from entrails. I think that sounds pretty rancid. But there are plenty of distasteful things that God might compel us to do that we REALLY don't want to do.

Example: Right now in my life, I'm dealing with some crap. I'm upset about the lack of movement and significance in my life. I don't know where I'm going or why I am where I am and I feel as if the world is running away without me on board.

I'm also trying to recover from a breakup which I compare to the giant strawberry I got when I slid into third base my senior year, first softball game of the season. My sliding pad had slipped down my leg and the gravelly dirt ended up scraping a big chunk of my upper calf. The doctor explained it as being something like a big burn, because the entire top layer of cells was gone, so the nerve endings were exposed, and whenever I touched it, I felt as if my fingers were red-hot pokers digging into my flesh.

This sounds melodramatic and painful, but obviously I recovered. BUT it did take a while before I could run again, and I wasn't allowed to slide for a while. Even when I was finally given the go ahead to slide, I was afraid to, because the shadow of my nasty strawberry was still fresh in my mind. Breakups are apparently the same way. It hurts really bad at first, gets better bit by bit, you think you're fine when something happens to reopen the scab and you remember all at once that you're not over it yet. And even when the scab is gone, you're afraid to "slide" because you know there is a possibility of the same situation reoccurring.

SO right now I'm living in this REALLY uncomfortable place. Not a whole lot of pain anymore, just frustration. It's not a place I want to be. BUT I can either wallow in self pity and think about the occasionally depressing state of my life, OR I can offer this struggle up as a sacrifice to God. It's like saying, "I am willing to suffer pain in order to get where you need me to be. I am willing to give up a measure of happiness in order to become a better person for you."

Hmm. All that from a verse about guts. I hope my personal story doesn't a) annoy you, b) depress you, or c)make it seem like I'm a helpless/depressed person. I just thought I'd put that out there. Maybe it will help someone.

Sometimes life blows. But it might help to think of your troubles as a sort of sacrifice. Obviously we aren't going to kill a bull on an altar or anything, but we do have things to offer. And sacrificing is about giving up a thing which means a lot to you in order to show that something ELSE is more important.

BFD #2

Matthew 6:17-18 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face so that your fasting may be seen not by others but by your Father who is in secret; and your father who sees in secret will reward you.

So I've met some pretty obnoxious Christians in my life. There are the ones who stand on the street corners holding signs saying things like "Fags go to hell" and yelling at me for being an educated woman. I guess they figure they're doing us a favor and all..."Just in case you weren't aware, you're going to burn in hell...have a nice day!" And you know those Bible verses about not judging others? They conveniently do not appear in any fire and brimstone literature.

Then there are the people who are more subdued but still very vocal about their opinions. "God says we should do this." and "I practice/do not practice ____ because the Bible says it is wrong." ....well, thank you for your unsolicited opinion.

Quite often I catch myself hating on the human race, but I quickly try to remind myself that I am not perfect, either. And even when my friends are doing something that I would consider wrong, I usually don't say anything. Instead I look at their mistakes, look at the reasons they did what they did, and apply it to my life to see if there is anything I'm doing wrong. Granted I LOVE to give my opinion, but I have been on the receiving end of "This is why you are wrong and I am perfect" speeches, and I know that it pays to be careful when confronting a friend. Crap where was I going with this?

Oh yeah...the point is, no person is perfect. No one has a perfect faith. No one has got it right. There are people who would LOVE to tell you exactly how you are wrong and why they are right. There are people who love for others to see them and say, "Wow, what a great example of a Christian life." And the sad thing is that is NOT because they want to lead a Christian life and be closer to God. It's because they want people to SEE that they are leading a good Christian life.

The bottom line of this BFD is that the people who are the closest to right, who are the nearest to understanding what it means to be a Christian, are the last people who would tell you they have it right. They're the ones who love with no strings attached, who help people because it's the right thing to do, and who LIVE Christianity. Because it's not a label, it's not a job, it's an ACTION. A path down which you walk, day by day.

You'll never get it quite right, but the point at which the way others see you becomes more important than the way GOD sees you, is the point at which you become a sell-out. And everyone reading this should read "You Are Special" by Max Lucado because it's a good metaphor for our society. It sounds like a cheesy kids book...but it is actually pretty profound.

I've had my fair share of desire for attention. Ask Andrea. I hate it when I'm with my friends and someone new comes around and steals my limelight. It's a fault I'm trying to deal with, but it helps keep me in check. Because usually when I think I'm doing really well, something happens to remind me that I'm not even close to where I need to be. And it is this constant interplay between who I think I am and who God has made me to be that keeps me on my toes and occasionally (shocking as this may sound to people who know me well) helps me to hold my tongue.

Crap...I think I've strayed a bit.

Summary: Don't do stuff because you want to look better than/holier than/closer to God than other people. That's stupid and it's a downright lie. In the end it's your heart that matters, and only God can judge your heart, so He's the one you ought to try and impress.

Disclaimer: I am not God, nor do I claim to be. I am but a human, and I make mistakes. Also, I definitely do NOT claim to be a holy person. I can be mean, spiteful, selfish, and rude and I don't want anyone to think that I think I am perfect.

BFD #1

**Note: The following posts were transferred from my old blog in an effort to preserve my BFDs and continue them. Go team!

NEW SUNDAY TRADITION: Bible Flop Devotion

So I'm going to let my Bible flop open and point randomly to a verse and write about that verse...how fun does this sound??

Proverbs 25:4
Take away the dross* from the silver, and the smith has material for a vessel

So, this verse in context is actually about leadership (ie Kings) but I choose to apply it to something else. Us. Duh. Soooo, as you can see by the footnote, dross isn't really something you want in your silver. I'm no silversmith, but it stands to reason that you want your metal to be pure, and the dross is like the gross little flecks of food in your dishwater. Take all that away and BOOM, clean water. Now, for me it is hard to imagine trying to purify dishwater. Think of all the little flecks of enchilada and cookie crumb and milk and soap floating around in that water. Yuck. BUT, it IS possible to do. It would take a lot of work, and would probably require professional water filtration specialists, but it is most definitely doable. I figure silver dross is kind of the same thing, except maybe easier since the dross forms on the surface, so all you have to do is sort of skim that off. The tricky part would be the risk of death by burning. No biggie, though.

So growing up, I heard some verses a lot. Remember, I'm a Lutheran, and Lutherans have kind of fallen away from the Bible in order to distinguish themselves from Evangelical Christians. We still read it and study it, but normally most of the studying is done from the pew on Sundays (we really must change that). ANyways, as you can tell, I am no Biblical expert, BUT there are a few verses that have stuck in my mind over the years. One of them pertains to todays Bible Flop Devotion (We'll just call it the BFD...haha...c'mon people, that's funny).

"But now, LORD, You are our father. We are the clay, and You are our potter. We are the work of Your hands" Isaiah 64:8

So now just insert "hot molten silver" for "clay" and "silversmith" for "potter"

VOILA! We have application. But God can't make shiny silver if He doesn't get rid of the dross, am I right?

SO...what is our dross?

We could say "sin" but that would be too easy. Plus even once we are purged of sin via confession and forgiveness (and for some of us Communion), we'll still sin again because we're freaking idiots. SO obviously God can make us shiny in spite of sin, so the sin isn't the only kind of dross in our lives.

So let's discuss (meaning I'll ask questions and sort of answer them and assume that you are going to answer most of them on your own because I have church in an hour and I need to get ready)

What is standing in between you and God?
-False gods? (ie money, fingernail polish, Husker football...)
-Your own stupid stubbornness?
-Your need to be in complete control of your life?
-Lack of trust in a God who doesn't seem all that involved in your life?
-The questions of the day that say you can't be a Christian if you believe in ______ or if you practice ______ and the denominations who perpetuate this belief?
-The fear that you have to give up your brain in order to believe (false, by the way, you just have to be a free thinker and attend a church where discussion, questions, and exploration of the text is encouraged)

All of the above are issues I personally have had to face and am still facing on a regular basis. The GOOD news (in my opinion, at least) is that I am allowed to be confused and angry and frustrated with the state of things on Earth and even with God. The point is that you FACE your issues. No matter what they are, it's ignoring them and pretending they don't exist that creates the most "dross" in your life. It's not just the things that stand in your way. It's the fact that you leave them there because you're too scared to deal with them. It will be hard, but you are capable of growing in this way. And your faith is going to grow/shrink/shift/change all throughout your life. If you think critically about your faith, though, it will end up making it stronger and more able to withstand the crap that life throws your way. But don't assume you can do it alone...this is usually my mistake. God has to help in the revision process! And if you LET him, I guess...well...you'll be shiny silver and not the dull kind.

Hmm. I think our BFD for the day would be better if I were a Master of the Sacred Page...but alas.
-BS-

P.S. Even shiny silver has to be polished once in a while...

*dross:
1. Waste or impure matter:
2. The scum that forms on the surface of molten metal as a result of oxidation.

Disclaimer: if I am being an idiot and you are a Biblical scholar, please don't be mean to me about it. I just took a random verse, a theme, and ran with it because that is what BFDs are all about...