BFD #6

Isaiah 64:18 Your holy people took possession for a
little while;
but now our adversaries have trampled
down your sanctuary

K, folks. It's been a while, but school is back in session so I figured I should get started back on this little project thinger (which is a nice visual this week, don't you think?). So let's take some verses out of context here and have some fun...haha. (That was a joke, because it's probably a bad idea to take verses out of context...FYI)

So this coincides in a really odd way with my life. For the last five-ish months I've been in a much better place spiritually than I was in the preceeding year. Things haven't been perfect, but in pain I chose to divert most of my attention to God (even if I was yelling at him). The point was, I wasn't trying to do it on my own, which is something I'd like to think God appreciates. Anyway, the "holy people" took possession of that deepest part of me. It wasn't suddenly easier to exist, but I'd rather heal in a sanitary room than in a dingy basement, if you see my point.

So then something (very recently) happened which is kind of like a threat to the sanctuary of my inner sanctum. I have created this safe place where I didn't have to be afraid of the crap life threw at me. But the problem is, I think that inner space was too dependent on being separate from the world. I hid myself away and decided not to let anyone else inside. And now my "adversaries" have sort of trampled it down and I'm standing in the middle of the rubble thinking, "Oh, crap. Square one." But that isn't so. God isn't found just in your inner sanctuary, and often I forget to make myself look for Him in everyday situations and people. I got so frustrated with the world because of the hand I was dealt that I just decided to hate all of humanity (minus famiily and close friends). But humanity is where God does His best work, so I ask myself, why is it that I'm not out there with Him?

You can lock yourself away and forsake all things temporal and human and temporary. But that makes for a lonely life. And maybe my sanctuary has been a little bit destroyed. Meh. So what? It's a nice place to have, but it's better to save that for when you really need it. And right now, I don't need to be healing in a sanitized hospital room. The wound has closed, infection is gone. I am and will be fine. But I (or WE, probably, since I doubt I'm the only one with this problem) need to get back out into the thick of things and learn to love people without expecting anything in return and knowing full-well that I could get hurt again.

Sorry, that was--once again--incredibly round about. But it was on my mind so I needed to talk about it. Now if I could only find my motivation.